I want to talk specifically to the fathers out there. I had a wild kind of misconception as to what being a father was to an extent. In my mind, it was entertaining them, it was doing things with them, it was playing games and doing legos and jumping in the pool and just constantly being there, needing to entertain my children. I want to do those things, but I realized I traveled a lot then I was home for a while, almost a year. Then I did a little bit of travel and I realized my role as a father is just to be present. My role is to be available. My role is to be positive. My role is to bring trust and confidence by just being there and being the best version of myself.
And I know that sounds … even saying it out loud kind of sounds kind of corny, but for you, it is just a matter of readjusting your perspective of what it means to be the championship version of yourself as a father, being available, being around, being confident, being excited, being happy, bringing positivity is almost more important.
The Evolving Role of Fathers: From Provider to Example
I watched something the other day. It might have been a Jordan Peterson interview where they were talking about the role of a father and the role of a father is to be the provider and the protector to a certain point in life. And then once your children become adults, it’s your job to be the example. Then set the standard of what it looks like to be an adult male or just an adult in general. I only have sons, so I use that more specifically, but being an adult.
As a father, your job, it is to be present. It is to set the standard, be the example, but even more so as your children become adults and your role in that equation is not to be there every minute, is not still to guide every decision, is not there to catch them when they fall; it’s really just to be there as an example of what it looks like to operate at a high level in life. And I think some parents get it wrong. I think some parents are just available when they feel like it. I think some parents are just in the room, but maybe they’re allowing their negativity, they’re allowing their depression, they’re allowing their anxiety, they’re allowing their bad life decisions to pour over into their children.
Even just being a zombie to your phone or to your tablet or to the television is not a great way. And I’m not judging anybody who does these things. I’m not saying you’re a terrible parent. I’m just asking you to adjust as a father, what do you believe your role is and then execute it to its best potential. I’m not the sit-down-and-do-Legos-with-the-boys guy. I do sometimes, but it’s not where I thrive. I thrive with them by just being present, helping them understand how to operate as young men, helping them see what their potential is, discussing real-life situations and problems with them.
Being Present: Drawing Inspiration from a Spiritual Perspective
I’m not the baby talk. I’ve never been the baby talk guy, but I really adjusted my perception as to what my role and expectation was. And I realized for me, it’s actually the same way that I operate as a child of God. When I’m spending time with God, if I sit there with expectations for him to entertain me, then it never actually goes as well as when I’m just sitting there just in his presence, just allowing him to breathe his confidence into me, allowing him to breathe what he sees for me into me and really just being in his presence is some of the best time I spend with guys. It’s not actively praying, it’s not actively conversating, it’s not actively worshiping.
Sometimes just sitting there and allowing myself to be calm in his presence is some of the best time I spend. And I realized I kind of do that with God, but I don’t do that as much with my children where I’m just allowing myself to be there, to be present, to be happy, to smile.
I’ll tell you right now, everybody who’s building a business for their family, but coming home in a terrible mood or not really pouring into them the way they could be. You’re not doing it for the right reasons. If your business is pulling away from your job as a father, then I suggest you readjust your priorities because the business might go, the business might fail, the business might thrive. You might have all the money in the world, but if you don’t have your family alongside with you doing that, it won’t be worth it. And I don’t think I speak just for myself in that sense. I think if every one of you, if I said, “Hey, choose your business or your children. For real, the only thing you have tomorrow is your business or your children, which one would you choose?”
Most of you would say your children. So stop showing up only for your business tomorrow. Start right now. Start prioritizing differently. Start adjusting your energy. Start making sure that you leave enough in the tank to come home and be present, to be happy, to be smiling and to be somebody worth living up to as your children, because they’re going to live up to the standard you set, whether you’re intentional with it or not. So why not being more intentional, why not just be present?
The Transformative Power of Being Present as a Father
And maybe I’m wrong. Maybe my job is to play the Legos and get into involved with what they’re into, but I don’t think so. I think some of the biggest impact I make on my family and my children is just being present, being powerful, being confident, being happy. So if you can’t do those things for your family right now, I would say to you, look at your priorities and adjust and go impress yourself, go impress your spouse, go impress your children with what you’re capable of when you put your energy in the right buckets first because I want you to win. I want you to win fast. I want you to win often, not just in business, but in life.
So go make that decision today. Go decide as a father, I’m going to become more present today. Not in the floor, maybe playing with them, but I’m going to sit there and I’m going to smile and I’m going to be positive influence on them through my actions, through my tone, through my body language. And you might be surprised the impact you make. So get out there, went fast, went off this week as a father, and see how you feel going into next weekend.
